Last night I was part of one of those groups. The annoying people who go to the venue / event, and rather than enjoy it they talk...the whole god damn time. Yeah. That was us. And why I ask? That type of behavior is usually reserved for loud mouthed middle school jansport wearing kiddies.
What was it that made us become chattering giggling hyper 20 somethings. Unconcerned with the people around us, or their interest in the strange but refreshing French film. Who's only scenes I caught were of the hip librarian woman attempting suicide. Over and over and over again.
I don't blame the beer. There ws hardly enough to buzz any of us soon to be alcoholics. Despite the fantastic effort on Jen's part to contribute, in all force, to '40's for Tupac'. I don't blame the football practice, despite energizing us with endorphins, and is the most excersize any of us have gotten in the past 22 days. It could be the wonderful weather of the San Francisco night. Stars shining, palm trees waving, and hobo's frolicking about. But no.
It was our friends. It was togetherness. It was loving the company you are with, the conversations that arise, and the attractiveness of new friendships. The comfortability and reliablity of a group of people.
And with all of this. These good feelings, good times, dinners together, omlettes at brunch, movie nights, therapy sessions, drunken heart to hearts, and more coffee time than anyone knows what to do with, there is a constant smacktalking, bullshitting, and sarcasticness. Is it out of love? Is it out of caring about people? Knowing you can be like that because that is how some relationships opperate, AND, we can handle it. OR, is it a defense. A guard for not really being there. For not really caring whatsoever, but for using this time and place as an in-between until you move onto something else. Which you think is better.
I just got a little cynical. With completely no preceded reason. My course of thinking out loud (or rather typing out loud) makes me consider and reconsider human behavior, motivation, and intent. Makes me re-evaluate my past and what I am looking for in my future. Its not out of accusation, but out of curiosity.
For me, im going to appreciate the fun (but obnoxious to many) night we had. It was great. I am so thankful for what I have, and who cares to have me. Who cares to surround themselves with me, because God knows, often times I don't deserve it.