Ready for something random, and really quite disgusting?
You go
to use the toilet. And for us women, we sit on the damn thing. Yes, the
seat which was intended to bear the brunt of our asses. The place of
peace and quiet (up for debate), of solitude, of complete relief whenyouv'e been holding that urine for 2 1/2 hours in the car and all you want to do is get it out.
You
go to sit down, and what happens. There's piss, all over fucking thing.
Now, I just don't get it. How difficult is it to make it into the bowl.
We say men have bad aim. Oh no. We can't hit the dang thing when its 3
inches from the faucet (yougettin me).
Us, women, have
learned from these years and years of public restroom participation,
that we never sit. EVER! You don't know what gross liquid could
possibly touch those buttcheeks of yours. You always, always hover. If its a long one, you may get a bit tired, but god forbid you get sloppy and lazy for a mear second. You're screwed.
Even when I am hovering, I would like to be hovering over a clean seat. Even if im
not going to touch the thing, I would at least like to think that no
germ std covered pee aura can come up and bite me in the butt. If not
for the sake of my own sanity, I like to hover over a clean toilet seat
for one reason, and one reason only. THE PEOPLE BEHIND ME IN LINE.
Yeah, them. Those strangers I will never probably see again. The people waiting at the bar, in the restaurant, on the hill at Dolores
park. The people who will think, once I have left the restroom and am
on my merry way, that I LEFT THE PISS. That I left the pee. Like a
welcome parade to the toilet.
"Why hello there. We've been waiting for you. Go ahead, hover, just try not to let your thighs touch me. I dare ya."
They'll
accuse and judge me, in their minds. Even if I never see them again I
will always be known as the girl who left the drops. Who Didn't wipe. Agh! It grosses me out just thinking about it.
And so, where does this leave me? Where does this leave you? Is it my responsibility to clean up someone else's..."droppings"? if I leave it, will you leave it?
To provide some possible solutions to this question I have come up with a solution. Time sensitive
pee. Yeah. When you pee, its for the most part yellow, or almost clear,
if you've been a good girl and have been keeping hydrated. What if the
longer pee stayed around (unflushed for instance, where it gets swallowed into the abyss, and we don't have to imagine
where it ends up) it would change colors. It could start yellow, turn
to green, blue, then purple. I wouldn't have to wipe. I wouldn'tahve to worry about the person behind me. Its blue, she knows thats not my mess. My inconsiderate self. Ahh! Genius.
Lesson of the day: People, please wipe. Please keep that porcelain thrown clear of anything thats not meant to touch it. Its just common courtesy.