You can either choose to be really productive and proactive, or really unproductive and lazy. I hope it is ok to have a combination of both. Everything in moderation right? I believe we sometimes make excuses, reasons, or rationalizations for what responsibilities we choose to ignore. For example, I just got laid off from a job I dedicated the past two years of my life to. I think Im entitled to a day in bed watching nothing but 30 Rock episodes. Or, I just ran the Boston Marathon, I think it's ok to consume the entire box of chocolate donut holes. Although Im sure anyone who actually ran the Boston marathon would congratulate themselves with a pair of Nike shoes so they could run it again.
It has only been a week, and I think I am doing a pretty good job making contacts and keeping myself busy and motivated to find the next thing. But this is where my problem lies. I don't just want the next thing. I want the thing that lights me up, that continues to challenge me, force me to learn, and that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer 9-5.
This is the first time, I think in my entire life, that I really have nothing to do. No school, no work, nowhere to be. It is an amazing thing to have no responsibilities and no obligations. It also makes me extremely anxious. I don't want to waste this time. And it's not an infinite amount of time. There are bills, there is rent, and at some point I would like to eat, but it is sometimes challenging to be proactive about moving your life in the direction you want it to get.
It's like when I was 8 out to breakfast with my family. I always wanted just a little bit of everything, I never could just decide on one thing. My dad would never order because he would always just eat what I never finished, which was always a lot. I see so many possibilities it's hard to pick the direction at the moment.
But, I am not worried. Whatever is next, if only a step, it will be a step in the right direction. But, for now, I am going to drink my coffee in my pajamas.
Wish me luck!