One christmas, I think it was, my mom got both my sister and I each a ceramic plak like thing that hangs on the wall. I don't remember what my sister's said, but mine say's "Create". So true, and so sweet of my mom. She knows me well.
Creating is all I've ever wanted to do. Without thinking about it. I can't live without creating. I know it sounds silly, and maybe a dramatic artist thing, but it's true. I also have never considered myself an artist, but I can't help wanting to make something. Something out of nothing, or out of something else. I think that's what Im really best at, is creating something out of something else. Im a good brainstormer, and somewhat a visionary, but not very good starting. Not very good at starting from scratch.
I have a friend I am so lucky to know, and even more lucky to call a friend. Nate Kendall. He creates music. For rent he sound designs and produces, but for love and to live he creates music. He is very good, very talented, and very inspiring.
It's taken me a long while to understand that I don't need to be this or that. It's not only that I don't need to be, but that it's impossible to be. I can only be me. Back to Nate... He just is what he is. He moved down to Santa Cruz this month to spend some months away and finish his album. Really start and finish it the way he needs to do it, without any distractions. He never set out to be able to work from home, be working on commercials, and be successful enough to take the time to work on his personal project. And that is what every artist, excuse me, creator wants to do. Be able to have the time and money to work on their own things. But, I don't even want to call it money, just resources - which is something I just now realized, that I have. I completely have the resources I need to do what I what to do. There is nothing holding me back but myself.
I know this seems obvious, or even a little preachy, but it's true. I just have to live it.