I am 24. Our editor is turning 30 next week. My boss is something like 38. My mom is 50. Time flies damn fast. For how much time I find myself not really doing anything but sitting and being bored, there is so much more time where my mind is running crazy. Keeping track of taxes, job stuff, exercising, college loans, medical insurance payments, keeping up with new friends, keep up with old friends, keeping up with family, making it to work functions, making it to social functions, feeding the creative soul, then on top of all this- making sure I am keeping track of all these things! And on top of this, I am single. No relationship, no children, no pets even. I am completely 100% on my own. Right now I (and perhaps these things called fate and karma) am the soul decider of my life decisions. I am writing my own future. I am choosing where and how I spend these years of my life. I am 24, and already I feel too old. Already I feel like I should have done more with my life. Already I feel like I need to know exactly what I want out of life.
Out of all the duties listed above how many of them are only for me? Are only things I selfishly do for me? Not many. They are things that help me survive. Things that help me stay afloat. With my lips barely above water sucking all the air in I can. Things that help me keep up with the rest of 20 something America.
When the time comes to have kids, to start a family. My children, their childhood memories, the memories they will tell their own children, the memories they will share with their college roommates are really a reflection of not them, but of me. The are a reflection of how I chose to spend my 30's-40's. A reflection of how I chose to raise them. When, where and how.
All of the decisions I am making now effect how I will raise my children later. I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Reflecting on how my parents raised me. How my childhood was, and wondering what I want for my children. Through all the duties we have in this life. All the things we must do to survive and live comfortably, for all the things we consistently do for other people so WE can have our few moments of true happiness and freedom, I feel that raising children is the one thing WE, YOU, ME have complete (well almost) control over. It is the one thing we have from the beginning, and continue through the end.
The thought that I have complete control over how my children grow up is a hard thing to grasp. Do I settle down in a safe suburban community, letting my kids ride bikes up and down the tree lined block, scrapping their knees as they write chalk on the concrete? Do I take them all over the world, from country to country, growing up among the large space of Australia and the crowded streets of China? Do we sail the ocean, as I attempt to teach them long division on a 30foot monohull? I have no f-ing idea. All I can say is that I couldn't have had a better childhood, and I only hope I can give my kids the same.
Watch the following trailer. This guy chose his children's fate, and perhaps his grandchildren's as well. I find it an inspiring story.