Sometimes I just get a little maternal. Who can help gushing over tiny little onsies, and teeny Adidas sneakers? They pretty much get my motor kicking. Kids are bad ass. Kids are also a pain in the ass. For every child that reminds me I want to be a mom sometime in the future, there is another kid that makes me want to blow my brains out.
I kind of am nervous to get to the point when I realize I am in a place in my life to start a family. It must be an 'aha' moment. Like, wow, this is the point of living. Or not. I could be completely wrong. Ive heard your never really ready for it, until it comes. And by it I mean kids. That must sort of be what its like when you are ready to be with that one person for the rest of your life. That you just sort of know. That, this is the person you cannot live without. I mean, the idea of meeting that person that you want to, choose to bring another human being into this life with. That is some heavy stuff. Its years and years of evolution. It's strategic. Its flowers, and dinners, and cards, and stability, and compatibility. And I say all this with nothing to stand on, no experience. Pretending like I actually know what I'm talking about. (sidenote - im not implying you have to or should be with one person forever. And quite honestly i think thats pretty unrealistic)
My boss is around 38 (?) I think. His wife just had a baby girl a few months ago. She is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen. No exaggeration. It has been a fun experience for me to see and listen to his emotions through the whole experience. Hearing about the classes, and new little experience that come from being pregnant. There is A TON of stuff I had no idea about, and thank god Im finding out now and not later. It's been really insightful to hear him become a dad. There are actually two new dads in the office. Matt from the other company in our office just had a boy. It is such a crazy thing to try and wrap your head around. That you brought a human into the world. You just created a human being. Its just weird. Obviously beautiful though.
I am so thankful I grew up with 3 other siblings. I couldn't imagine a world without them, and I couldn't imagine only having one kid. My mom explains having my littlest brother like she knew they needed to do it now or never (there was a few years gap between him and my brother). The decision was made really though because they just felt our family wasn't completed yet. And it wasn't. My mom was married for a year before she married my dad. She was young. I think I'm young now, she was something like 22. Wow. Talking with a friend a few years back kids came up, and she mentioned my moms miscarriage. This was a shock to me, I never knew my mom had a miscarriage. She never told me. Which is entirely fine. And Ive never actually brought it up with her before. I guess because it's just not a big deal. My mom had a miscarriage with her first husband. It's weird to think that I may not have been her first child. That I may not even exist really.
God is funny. The world is funny. Life really is funny.